The Official List of Unofficial Drabbles
by IOUARussianEnsign
Summary: I recommend reading The Official List of Unofficial Rules by Saphura first but it is not necessary. However, that does explain what the Rules are. Saphura also has some explanations as to why the Rules were created in The Official Reasons for Unofficial Rules. Now, let's dive right in and discover why some Rules were created.
1. Rules 1 and 2

**First, it is essential that I inform you that I did not come up with the actual rules themselves. I merely asked permission to use ****_Saphura_****'s Rules from ****_The Official List of Unofficial Rules_**** to write these drabbles. I did not post a single thing until after I had permission to write and share what I have written.**

**The original author, _Saphura_, also has a story, _The Official Reasons for Unofficial Rules._ Basically, she has also been writing stories for these Rules but she has not done all of them so I have decided to write some of my own drabbles for the Rules. I may include some Rules she has already done but I will try to avoid writing the same story.  
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**Now, please bear in mind, this is The Original Series. I've started watching these recently and therefore have not watched the entire show yet. Because of this, some characters may be slightly OOC, and the information may be inaccurate or just incorrect completely. However, I do try and do some research to avoid mistakes.**

**Finally, I may not write drabbles for all Rules because there's over 1000 of them and some of them are very difficult to write for. Because of this, they may not be in order either. I may start with Rule 1, move onto Rule 124, and then go back to Rule 30. This is mainly because I've written for about 10 Rules so far and I'll be writing more as I go along.**

**I will try to update at least once a week. The fact that I have 10 written so far, should help. **

**Again, I'm sorry in advance for any and all mistakes. Feel free to correct me if there's something that's bugging you.**

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_**1. When you re-materialize, it is unnecessary for you to make sure you have all your body parts. We are pretty sure you would know if something was missing.**_

The two Ensign's looked at their bodies. The same thought process occurred each time. Arms. Yes. Legs. Two. Right. Ears. Eyes. Feet. Hands. All there. What about hair? Yeah, yeah, not bald yet... They had just finished checking themselves when the next, and final, Ensign beamed up. Pavel let out a bloodcurdling scream as he collapsed onto James Kirk who had beamed up with him. After a moment of James pushing him up, he stood up again and moved himself off the transporter, clearly in agony.

"DOCTOR MCCOY. TRANSPORT ROOM." was all the panicking young woman, who was replacing the usual Scotsman for this particular shift, could manage before running towards the young navigator, mumbling a long and very fast string of apologies that Pavel didn't quite catch. Doctor McCoy, however, did not receive the message. He had already been on his way after hearing a scream. When he'd heard it he'd immediately headed in to the Transporter Room. He knew they were due back so it was more than likely it had been someone who had just beamed back up who had screamed. Once the doctor had fixed up Pavel, who had lost the tip of his finger and an inch of his hair (it was more painful than you'd think and there was now a fair amount of blood on the floor) the two Ensign's looked rather sheepishly at each other.

"Guess we don't need to check then? I'm pretty sure we'd know if we're missing something..." one mumbled whilst the other just looked at him in a state of disbelief.

"YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CHECK IF HE'S OKAY?" to which the Captain replied,

"He's with Bones. Not some first-year medic, still being trained. He'll be fine. The only risk he has is the risk of getting a hypo to the neck.". He rubbed his neck, wincing slightly, at the thought.

_**2. Making sound effects when using the transporter are unnecessary, childish, and makes you sound stupid.**_

"You're an adult. Doing that just makes you look like a bit of a wanker" the Scottish man commented in a thick accent, although he couldn't help but let out a chuckle along with the others in the room as the two Ensign's made whooshing and whirring noises when they appeared on the pads. The two Ensign's appeared to have a sudden interest in the floor as they stared at it.

"R-right...". An Ensign coughed awkwardly, looking up for just a second, and with that they left, looking extremely red.

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**I could probably do with some names for the Ensign's actually since they're going to pop up in basically every drabble. If you have a suggestion for a name, let me know, please.**


	2. Rules 4 and 5

**Thank you very much for the reviews! I just couldn't wait to update and I was planning to stick to once a week, no less, no more, but I just couldn't so here. More Rules for you!**

**Once again, I would like to inform you that I did not come up with the actual rules themselves. I merely asked permission to use ****_Saphura_****'s Rules from ****_The Official List of Unofficial Rules_**** to write these drabbles. I did not post a single thing until after I had permission to write and share what I have written.**

**The original author, ****_Saphura_****, also has a story, ****_The Official Reasons for Unofficial Rules._**** Basically, she has also been writing stories for these Rules but she has not done all of them so I have decided to write some of my own drabbles for the Rules. I may include some Rules she has already done but I will try to avoid writing the same story.**

**Again, I'm sorry in advance for any and all mistakes. Feel free to correct me if there's something that's bugging you as I haven't watched the entire original series yet so some characters may be slightly OOC, and the information may be inaccurate or just incorrect completely.**

**I forgot to mention that I plan to have some things occur after the Rule was created but when that happens I will inform you before the actual drabble itself. Otherwise, you can assume the events take place before the Rule was created.**

**I also realised that I did not write Scotty's accent into the dialogue like most do. The reason for that is because it's actually just very difficult and it was late when I wrote it and I just forgot. So, I won't be doing that for any accents. I'm sorry but you'll just have to read the dialogue in their accents.**

**Finally, I could still probably do with some names for the Ensign's since they're going to pop up in basically every drabble. If you have a suggestion for a name, let me know, please. Otherwise, I'll probably just keep calling them Ensign because I'm not exactly good with names. It's the reason I write fanfiction. The names are already decided.**

**Now that we're done with the extremely long (sorry!) author's note, let's get on to the next Rules!**

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**_4. Do not drink any of the Doctor's bourbon without permission._**

The drunk Ensign laughed as she stumbled clumsily through the door that lead to sickbay. She took a swig of the bourbon, collapsing happily against the wall with a giggle.

"What are you-" McCoy stopped speaking when looked up. "IS THAT MY BOURBON?"

"Maybe..." the drunk Ensign slurred with a smirk.

"YOU STOLE MY BOURBON?" he asked, snatching the bottle. The Ensign put a hand to her head as he yelled.

"Doctor, I was... Captain said I... Uh... I forgot." the Ensign slurred, frowning as she tried to figure out what she had been ordered to do.

"Leave." the doctor said sternly. The Ensign frowned a little more and looked up.

"But..."

"Leave. You stole my bourbon. You can't honestly expect me to take care of you!" The Ensign paused for a moment before falling through the doorway and collapsing onto the floor. The doctor looked at her for a moment before shaking his head, muttering something the Ensign didn't quite hear under his breath. He turned back to the paperwork he had been doing and took a swig from the bottle before sitting down and getting back to work.

**_5. Do not take any of Scotty's liquor without permission. Especially his scotch._**

"Mister Sc-Scott?" the Ensign hiccuped as Montgomery walked into the room. He took one glance at the Ensign.

"That's my scotch." he stated simply. The Ensign looked down at the bottle in his hand. When the Ensign didn't respond, Scotty started to yell. "PASS ME MY SCOTCH, GET OUT AND DON'T COME BACK TO YOUR SHIFT UNTIL YOU'VE REPLACED EVERY DROP YOU DRANK. NO ONE TOUCHES MY SCOTCH AND GETS AWAY WITH IT." His accent was thicker than ever with the anger that surged through him. The Ensign's eyes widened with sudden fear as the engineer glared with clenched fists.

"I... I was just..." the Ensign stuttered. "I just... I... Sorry Mr. Scott, sir... I...". Scotty put a hand to his head.

"Get out." he repeated through gritted teeth.

"Y-yes Sir." the now-terrified Ensign stood and took a few wobbly steps forward. He passed the engineer the bottle. Scott snatched it with a fierce glare that didn't show any signs of fading. The Ensign looked up, shaking slightly before letting out a whimper and fleeing from the room.

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**Okay, I have never been drunk in my life and I have never been around drunk people (mainly because I don't like parties so I don't go to them) so I don't know how drunk people act but I tried... And I'm not sure how people would react to people stealing their alcohol. I've never done that either.**

**Clearly, I've lead a very boring life but hey, I tried and that's what counts, right?**


	3. Rules 21 and 194

**Bugger. I just realised I was supposed to update yesterday. I am so sorry about this being late. I said once a week and it's been over a week now...**

**Thanks again for the reviews.**

**As for the physically throwing them out thing. I don't think they really did that because if they did, there probably would have been a bit of actual physical fighting involved... Or maybe they'd drag them out. Besides, they care a lot about their drinks. But I see what you mean so thanks.**

**Once again, I would like to inform you that I did not come up with the actual rules themselves. I merely asked permission to use ****_Saphura_****'s Rules from ****_The Official List of Unofficial Rules_**** to write these drabbles. I did not post a single thing until after I had permission to write and share what I have written.**

**The original author, ****_Saphura_****, also has a story, ****_The Official Reasons for Unofficial Rules._**** Basically, she has also been writing stories for these Rules but she has not done all of them so I have decided to write some of my own drabbles for the Rules. I may include some Rules she has already done but I will try to avoid writing the same story.**

**Again, I'm sorry in advance for any and all mistakes. Feel free to correct me if there's something that's bugging you as I haven't watched the entire original series yet so some characters may be slightly OOC, and the information may be inaccurate or just incorrect completely.**

**This drabble does two Rules at once.**

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**_21. Do _****not****_, under any circumstances, insult the Enterprise in Scott's presence. You will be sorry._**

**_194. When Mr. Scott talks about the Enterprise as his ship and such, do not respond "well if you love her so much, why don't you marry her?"._**

The young Ensign pushed his food around his plate with his fork.

"What's up?" another Ensign asked as he plopped down onto the seat opposite with his food.

"It's nothing... It's just... Well, I don't feel very... Uh, safe... I guess."

"Why? Is someone bullying you? Do you want me to kick their ass?" the Ensign stood up eagerly before being forced back into his seat.

"No, no, it's just, this old rust-bucket. I feel like it could crash at any mo- Woah". The Ensign was yanked up and out of his seat.

"What d'ya just say about my Enterprise?" the Scot in red asked, his jaw set in place.

"I just... I... Uh..." he glanced to the Captain who had his arms crossed across his chest, hoping for help. Kirk shook his head.

"_No one _insults my ship." Scotty pushed him back into his seat. "I dare you to say another word against her. I. Dare. You." The Ensign glanced quickly to the other Ensign who was frozen in her seat in fear and then an idea struck him. He smirked.

"Well, if you love her so much, why don't you marry her?" the Ensign teased. Scotty lunged for the Ensign who squeaked and ducked. Jim quickly grabbed Scotty.

"I suggest you apologise." Kirk warned.

"I... Uh, sorry... Mr. Scott... Captain." he mumbled quick apologies before abandoning his food and running away, the female Ensign following quickly.

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**I'm pretty sure in Trouble with Tribbles, Scotty actually ended up hurting some Klingons who insulted the Enterprise, didn't he? I think he did... I figured he wouldn't actually hurt the Ensign because they're part of the crew, and they're a little bit more important.**


	4. Rule 6

**I'm updating early because I may not be able to update on Saturday or Sunday.**

**Once again, thank you for the review. I like getting reviews because it means people are actually reading what I'm writing so thanks.**

**Once again, I would like to inform you that I did not come up with the actual rules themselves. I merely asked permission to use ****_Saphura_****'s Rules from ****_The Official List of Unofficial Rules_**** to write these drabbles. I did not post a single thing until after I had permission to write and share what I have written.**

**The original author, ****_Saphura_****, also has a story, ****_The Official Reasons for Unofficial Rules._**** Basically, she has also been writing stories for these Rules but she has not done all of them so I have decided to write some of my own drabbles for the Rules. I may include some Rules she has already done but I will try to avoid writing the same story.**

**Again, I'm sorry in advance for any and all mistakes. Feel free to correct me if there's something that's bugging you as I haven't watched the entire original series yet so some characters may be slightly OOC, and the information may be inaccurate or just incorrect completely.**

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**_6. Do not mess with Kirk's coffee._**

Jim took another sip of his coffee.

"Seriously, does anybody else's coffee taste funny? It can't just be me? I got my coffee at the same time as everyone else...".A chorus of "no Captain"s and "my coffee tastes fine, Sir"s were the only response he got.

"But this doesn't mak-" Kirk's eyes widened as an odd feeling overcame him. He jumped up. "Spock, you have the conn." he called as he ran out of the bridge to the nearest bathroom. Every person in the room snickered (with the exception of Spock, of course). The room soon fell silent as Spock's icy glare fell on each member. After what seemed like hours, Kirk returned.

"Bones tells me one of you put something in my coffee..." he started, taking his usual seat in the Captain's chair as Spock moved to his usual position. A few in the room chuckled but the majority knew that tone of the voice. This was the commanding, I'm-angry-and-you're-not-fucking-getting-away-with -this voice. "I just thought I'd let you know that if any of you even touch my coffee again, coffee will be banned from the entire Enterprise and every single one of you will be put on Gamma shift."

The room fell silent. Needless to say, no one dared to even go near his coffee for the next month.

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**I'm sorry, this is short and there's only one Rule in this chapter. I feel kind of bad. Maybe I'll be able to convince my little sister to help me come up with some ideas for other Rules. We're going to have a little TOS marathon this weekend - I managed to get the entire second series on DVD, and she's been wanting to watch Star Trek for ages. She was so excited when I asked her if she wanted to watch Star Trek with me.**


	5. Rule 3

**Thanks for the reviews again. I did enjoy my weekend. My little sister loves Star Trek. We watched The Trouble with Tribbles which is a good episode to start with, I think.**

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**_3. Whenever Kirk, Spock, McCoy, (or any male crew member for that matter) re-materializes, do not start singing "It's Raining Men"._**

"Ready to beam up." Kirk said through his communicator. A few crew members in the transport rooms gave each other knowing glances. Kirk, Spock and two Ensign's started to re-materialise and at that very moment, five crew members (four of which were women) burst out,

"IT'S RAINING MEN! HALLELUJAH! IT'S RAINI-". They were soon cut off by Spock who commented,

"Raining and re-materialising are very different processes and therefore it is illogical to be singing about raining men. It also makes no sense as it is impossible to rain in space and furthermore, it cannot rain inside the Enterprise as it is indoors and there are definitely no holes in the ship, nor can men fall from the sky." The group glanced at each other and despite Kirk's smirk which showed he obviously found it rather funny, silently agreed to never do that again... Well, at least not with that particular song.

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**The Spock part was fun to write. I think that's the only reason I decided to do this Rule to be honest. Sorry, it's a short one again but I kinda like it, and at least I updated on time this time!**

**If you haven't noticed, I didn't put the whole bit about Saphura and these being her Rules in. I guess after four chapters you kind of start to get the idea so I decided to leave that out.**


	6. Rule 149 (a and b)

**Thanks for the reviews, and the last chapter was definitely my favourite to write so far so I'm glad you liked it too. So, I managed to do two Rules in one again although it wasn't really too hard to do that since it was technically still the same Rule.**

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**_149a. After an intense showdown of some sort involving the Enterprise and something/someone who means the ship and her crew harm, do not say "dude, that was awesome!"_**

**_149b. Don't say "let's do that again" either._**

****The fight was long and tiring. Many collapsed against walls and the sickbay was full to the brim. Several were sat, injured, on chairs outside, waiting to be seen to. The firing had finally ceased. They had got out alive. Well, most had. They were now flying safely out of what had been a war-zone.

"Dude...". A breath from the Ensign and then, "That was awesome!". He jumped up with a laugh.

"We should totally... We should do that again." the second Ensign said, leaning against a wall, the adrenaline still rushing through him.

"Agreed." A pause and a glare from Doctor McCoy had the second Ensign saying quickly,

"Or not... You know, that wasn't so great anyway."

"Yeah, hated every second of it."

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**This one isn't exactly good, is it? Yeah, sorry about that. I kind of haven't been focusing on the Rules much lately. I had an idea for an original story and I've been focusing on that because it's something I really wanted to write so I've been busy creating characters, gathering ideas. Stuff like that. Sorry. I promise I'll work harder for the next chapter.**


	7. Rule 59

**So I said I would try harder but time flied and I almost forgot I was supposed to update. Basically, I may have accidentally lied to you guys but at least you still got an update, right?**

**Thank you again for the reviews. If I didn't have them I'd probably just give up but since I know you guys actually reading these drabbles, I continue to write.**

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**_59. No paper airplanes on the Bridge. Even during Gamma Shift._**

The ensign laughed as he threw the paper airplane across the Bridge. Another turned and returned it. "You know, this was a brilliant idea. It makes Gamma Shift actually bearable."

"I told you it was a good idea!" The ensign replied, throwing the airplane back. The Captain was watching them but he didn't seem to mind too much. He'd had a long day, and frankly, Gamma Shift was rather boring anyway. If it weren't for the ensigns he'd probably be asleep by now. This went on for a few minutes before the airplane pushed a button. The alarms blared out. Red alert.

"Shit!" The Ensign cursed, standing up, retrieving the airplane as Kirk jolted up, turning the alert off quickly. After several apologies to annoyed crew members, and an explanation as to what had happened, Kirk gave the two who had been messing around with paper airplanes Gamma Shift for the next month, and paper airplanes were officially banned from the Bridge from that moment on.


End file.
